"Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused."
― (via lolidcyoureaslut)
I am right about everything.: "It's her word against his" »
This is the insidious dominant social narrative about rape- specifically the rape of women by men. On the surface it seems almost sensible, but there is something very very wrong here.
To begin with, “it’s her word against his” suggests that women just go around casually accusing guys they’re…
Things are only getting harder.
I never wanted to tell the police, I just wanted to forget about it and move on, something I am remarkably good at. However, someone who I considered to be a friend decided to tell the police. She says she did this in my best interests, something I find ridiculously difficult to believe for several reasons -
- If she was acting in my best interest’s she should have asked me first what I actually wanted to do about it.
- She can not keep her mouth shut, and the reason she told the police is because they came into her work on a routine patrol and she blurted it out to them.
- She is always saying how tired she is of her life and how she wishes it was like 90210. Recently on 90210 Naomi was raped. She didn’t wish to tell the police. Her friends did so “acting in her best interests”. So I believe her decision to tell the police was based on this.
There are several reasons why I did not want to tell the police -
- He will not be convicted.
- I did not want to be put through everything they are putting me through, I cope best with these things by forgetting about them and continuing as normal.
- A few years ago I attempted suicide so have now been put on suicide watch again, despite not having any psychological problems for years.
- I know the guy.
- Nearly all of our friends are mutual.
- He’s incredibly violent, and will not think twice about hurting me again for putting him through this.
- We live in a small town.
- The case is going in the paper’s so everyone in the town will know.
- He lives in the same area as me, therefore my house and family are in danger of repurcussions.
- I didn’t want my family to know.
- I had an incredibly audition to focus on and did not want to be worrying about this.
- I am losing my job as they are making me take time off and it was only a temporary contract.
There are more reasons, but they are the ones that spring to mind right now.
So far what’s happened since the event on Thursday night/Friday morning is -
- Friday afternoon - Police ring me at work telling me that my friend reported I’d been raped. I broke down in tears at work. They asked to come in and see me at work. I refused. I told them I didn’t want the police involved. They said that was fine if I wanted it that way, but would I pee in a cup so there would be early evidence which would be needed in case I change my mind in the future. I agreed, as that made sense. I had to pee in my water bottle as it needed done as soon as possible and there were no other containers in my work. I had to lie to everyone why I was hysterically crying. The police tell me they will ring me later to discuss whether I want to take things further.
- Friday evening - Forensic officer unexpectedly turns up at my house. My dad, who I didn’t want to find out answers the door so immediately realizes something is wrong, as she has a “forensic unit” lanyard round her neck and is holding a box that says “early evidence kit.” She takes another urine sample from me and a saliva sample. She then takes a primary statement from me, saying she is not able to take the evidence without the statement, so I reluctantly agree to the statement as I wanted the evidence taken in case I changed my mind. She takes the clothes I had on that night, strips my bedding, and puts it all in seperate evidence bags.
- Friday night - I’m informed that the guy has been arrested. Things have already gone much further than I wanted them to at this point. I did not wish the police to get involved, just simply to give evidence that needed taken now in case I changed mind. The police say they have to arrest him as they can’t let a rapist stay out in case he does it again to someone.
- Saturday - I try to forget everything for the day as I have my audition. My family are interviewed. A forensic officer comes to my house to take photo’s of my room, it being the crime scene.
- Saturday evening - The guy is released on bail. He is telling everyone I’m making it all up. I start getting silent phone calls.
- Saturday night - I can’t sleep. Every time I’m near to dropping off I see his face right in mine and it makes me sick.
- Sunday morning - I meet some more detectives working on the case. One doesn’t seem to believe me and keeps telling me that if this never really happened I need to say now. I’m told that I have no say what so ever in whether the case goes to court or not, it probably will, it will be in the papers, and if he’s found not guilty, I could well be in trouble.
- Sunday afternoon - I have a medical exam. This involves a forensic team examining my entire body, photographing any bruises/marks with one of those measurement squares that you see on photographs of dead bodies, and also marking my injuries down on a diagram of my body. They then take swabs from several areas of my body and my vagina. I’m finally told I can have a shower for the first time since it happened. I’m also told I will still have to have a sexual health screening (which will have to be in at least 10 days) as they only deal with the forensics.
- Sunday evening - I give a video interview. I make silly mistakes, such as getting certain things in the wrong order or saying I was sat on the opposite side of the taxi, probably due to only having 3 hours sleep the night before. This does not strengthen my case. Nor does the fact it wasn’t me who reported the rape, or the fact I didn’t cry out for help when other people were in the house.
- Sunday night - People start asking questions such as why I wasn’t out on Saturday night. I’m waiting to hear from my forensic officer on whether the case is going to court or not.
I really really wish my friend had never told the police.